To Mothers in Heaven 

You have been strong women, because you not only gave birth to life but you saw yourselves abandoning your children when death approached you. How your heart would have cried when you had seen the death angel smiling at you. You wanted to say, “Let me cuddle a piece of my heart again. Let me kiss my baby once more. Let me see my child growing and becoming strong.” And death angel might have answered, “Nothing will be ever enough for you dear lady! For your heart is deeper than the seas. I sometimes look at you in amazement how can you hold so much love inside your tiny small organ. I have to take you because that’s what Divine wishes.” And their the last breath would have left your lips.  

Dear moms in heaven, you aren’t forgotten. You can never be forgotten. Because when the fetus was grown and ready to leave your womb, it left behind its DNA. It is there in you. Children without mothers have always known this that their mothers are carrying them in heaven too, but the modern day scientist have just discovered it. They say you carry our DNA in your brain. They call it a DNA, I call it a piece of soul.

Dear mothers, your children are strong. Don’t fret for them. They cry in pillows sometimes, but they will not let you down. When the world brings flowers and cakes for their mothers, we close our eyes and think of you. Crave for you. Ask for you. But don’t worry, once the pain leaves, our faith that you are forever with us becomes stronger.

Dear mothers in heaven, we all have lived without you on a hope that we shall meet again where world has no calendar. We shall embrace each other again and then it would be for eternity. No death must fear us, for we have parted enough in this world. Wait for us! We will be there one day to sparkle your eyes again and to find the truest love back.


A Letter to Syria 🇸🇾 

Dear Syria,

I’m sorry we have forgotten you. I’m sorry the world has lost its sympathy, compassion and care. Probably, constant news and photos of dying children have turned our hearts into stones.

Facebook doesn’t give you an option to mark yourself safe as it knows you have no access to the Internet. It doesn’t even ask us to change our display photos to show solidarity towards you. And people don’t use hashtags of savesyria any more.

My Syrian friends don’t talk about you too. They feel helpless and probably an escape from this conversation seems a better option to them.

But let me confess Syria! When I saw you on my newsfeed today, I immediately scrolled down and avoided looking at you. Because I was too afraid to look at your helpless and motionless babies.

Then I came to work and picked the paper. You were on front page. I wanted to put it down, but I saw the article; people blaming U.S and U.S blaming Assad. But no one said what needs to be done. We all are crestfallen and have lost the courage to talk about the unimaginable things you are going through.

Dear Syria, I know there are people who are too scared to share their land with you, but there are some who want to bring you to their homes.

Dear Syria, there are people who speak of The Holocaust and curse Hitler, but stitch their lips when it comes to you. However, I have seen people who speak for you and who fight on social media just like me. Since we are no warriors. So here I use my pen instead of sword to tell you that I stand with you. I salute you as you have written a new history by surviving greatest wounds. I’m sure those ruthless people are unable to fathom what iron you are made of.

Stay strong dear Syria! God might not send us there to help you, but he has surely poured the blood of warriors in your veins.

You will see the freedom!

You will smile again!


Helpless Human.

Bucket List

So everyone has a bucket list. A few love thrill other love serenity. But how many times have we really thought of doing things which we really wish to? Most of us don’t have any bucket list, and we take life where ever it takes us.

Life is a one time gift. It’s no doubt a blend of pain and joy, but only that grows more what we water more. Ponder over your pain every day and night, the pain will become the trademark of your life. Accept the pain and find the ways to bring happiness, the journey becomes easy.

I love happy-go-lucky type people who work hard for their happiness. They know the truth about living at its fullest. They take every opportunity to be enthusiastic and passionate about their goals.

Often people who work on their bucket list tend to live more happily than those who just drag lives. Having a bucket list gives us an opportunity to to discover our strengths and weaknesses. It keeps us on our toes; thus, providing less or no time for indulging into negative thoughts which can lead to depression.

It’s not necessary that your bucket list has to go with your daytime economy. Sometimes, the things which cost almost nothing can bring he greatest joy in your life.

To tick the things from your list can take years, but what maters most is that you are actually trying hard for it. This is one way to tell yourself that you matter too! You have to give priority to yourself as well.

Here are a few of the things which are in my bucket list. Some of them are done and for others I have kept my fingers crossed.

1. Visit South Africa’s craziest and famous Bloukran Bungy bridge jump and jump from there. Bungee jump is a must for adrenaline rush lovers and it’s still on my list. When would I do it? Well.. One day.

2. Educate a child. I always wanted to pass my knowledge to someone else. Anything I learnt from my life, from alphabets to the teachings of life. I haven’t completely done this, but my profession gives me opportunity to work on it. As a teacher I try my best not only to teach what is given in the curriculum, but to make some change in their lives.

3. Visit Mecca. Yes after years of waiting I crossed this wish from my list in June 2016. The best thing was that I was there on my birthday.

4. Do Phd. I love education! I believe that there’s no age for learning. Phd is one of my biggest dreams and I know it isn’t a piece of cake. Although I always wanted to be a forensic linguistics, I couldn’t as the course wasn’t available in my country. I still have an option of doing Phd in TOEFL and with will of God I will do it one day.

5. The fastest roller coaster in the world. I love adventure and all the scary rides, and I had heard a lot about Ferrara Rossa in Ferrari Worls. I didn’t know that life would one day bring me to UAE and I’d get a chance to try it. It’s amazing! The experiences was exciting and thrilling. I am glad I crossed it from my list sooner than I expected.

6. To see Eiffel Tower and Taj Mahal. I don’t know why I am so obsessed with these two iconic architectures. All I know is that I want to visit these one day.

7. Go skydiving. Many adventurous people have this on their bucket list and most of them do this on their birthday. I always wanted to before I turn 30 and I am glad I crossed this just 6 months before my birthday. If you are an adventure lover then add this on your list and go for it! You won’t regret! This is one of the best thing I have done in my life! From getting on the plane and exiting it, each moment has a thrill in it! One more thing, fears are just a product of human mind. You can conquer them with just a single step of courage.

8. Write a book. Writing a book isn’t the dream of most of people. Although human mind is full of thoughts and imagination, but only a few put them on paper. Some of those who write often dream to see their work in a form of book while other jettison their old journals. I started to write when I was in high school, but never had an idea that I’d be publishing a book. Five years ago, I put this dream on my bucket list. This dream is half achieved, since I have published my poetry till now and the novel is still on it’s way. Soon. Yes soon.

9. Travel by Cruise. My friend who has travelled by cruise find it a boring thing. May be he is not bound to sit at one place. However, my love for sea urges me to experience the calmness and anger of sea. Not a month but at least a week. Still waiting for it to happen.

10. Learn to play a musical instrument. I love violin. I love guitar. I love piano. But I have no command on any. Being studied from Convent, I just remember the first basic lesson of piano. I have a faded memory of a. beautiful nun teaching me to practice the keys. Right Left. Right Left. What happened next is a gone faded memory and I eagerly want to make it happen again. But his time perfectly and polished. I don’t know where to start from. But at least to learn one is on my list.

These are just a few of those things which I have done still waiting to do. But I am glad I have a list which keeps my each day worth living. What’s on your list? If you don’t have any then make one today, as life happens once only.

50 things which can tell that you are loved!

You don’t always need to hear ‘I love you’ to be assured that you are loved. Many of us think that only these three words can confess true love. But have you ever wondered that you are actually loved if you have heard any of these:

1. I care about you.

2. I need you.

3. I miss you.

4. Don’t ever leave me.

5. I can’t lose you.

6. You mean the world to me!

7. You have changed me in so many good ways.

8. I’m sorry. I won’t hurt you again.

9. Why did you ignore me?

10. Text me as soon as you reach!

11. Take care of yourself!

12. Share your problem with me.

13. You are my best friend.

14. I’ll always be there for you.

15. Time runs so fast when I am with you.

16. I’m counting days to your birthday.

17. When I am around you, I forget to check my phone.

18. I just did this to make you smile.

19. Come back soon.

20. Let’s share a chocolate.

21. Where’s my goodnight kiss?

22. I can’t eat alone!

23. Let’s eat in same plate.

24. Can I take a sip from your coffee?

25. Nooo! Don’t throw those chocolate wrappers! I want to save them.

26. It’s okay. It wasn’t your mistake.

27. Are you mad at me?

28. I’m sorry if I hurt you.

29. Don’t be depressed. I am here right with you!

30. I’ll try today your favorite ice cream.

31. You mean the world to me!

32. Oh! I have just come up with a new nickname for you!

33. Your hands are beautiful! (and holds them)

34. Oh God! I can laugh with you for hours and hours!

35. I want to pull your cheeks and mess up your hair!

36. Sorry! I was mad yesterday. I shouldn’t have said those things.

37. I know I have been really busy lately, but I can’t wait to get free and talk to you!

38. If there’s anything just let me know!! Wake me up even if it’s three in the morning.

39. I was listening to this song and it made me think of you, so I thought of sharing with you.

40. My day was worst! But now after talking to you, I feel better.

41. You’ll drive and I’ll just hold your hand!

42. Let’s go to beach and see the sunset!

43. Come on!! You can do it!! You are so brave!

44. Oh you are good at everything!

45. You cook as if the food is sent from heaven!

46. Oh my God! What have you done to your hair? (after laughing hard) But you look cute!

47. I’ll do the dishes today you just go and play your favorite track!

48. Oh you are getting bored! Let’s go for long drive! 

49. Get up! You’ll be late to work!

50. Don’t you dare delete this photo! You look awesome!

If you ever heard or said any of these then share them with your loved one. Make them feel special once again. ❤

Make your monday beautiful 🖤

It’s not weekend here, I’m making myself feel it’s one just before going to work. I made a coffee, played my favorite track and painted before taking a shower and leaving for work. How often do we find the perfect moment at most imperfect and unexpected time? Let each and every second carve on your soul the smile of future. Don’t wait for time, don’t wait for tomorrow, grab it! Grab it today and now!! Be persistent in love! Do what makes you happy! Love unconditionally! Express without a doubt! Your colours lie within you! Your notes lie within the ones you love! Hold them!!! Don’t let them go! Don’t let situation, people and fear to take them away from you! You are always loved! Make your Monday damn beautiful! 


Leave Your Comfort Zone 

Sometimes you have to leave your comfort zone and walk on unknown paths to explore why your tiny mini little heart is always ready to break you into little pieces by exploding itself and tearing the soul apart. You probably won’t find the answers on stones and graffiti on the walls but you will learn that those you lost aren’t far from you, they’re moving in your very own shadow. You don’t need to text and wait at the middle of night to every person in your phone list with two painful words ‘need you’, rather by walking on unfamiliar ways you need to tell yourself that you need yourself the most! Stop waiting for someone to open the door and take you out in sunshine. You aren’t a baby anymore. Get up and light up the darkness believing that love resides within you.

Your little hand..

The moment I held your hand.. No actually you held my hand.. When you gripped my finger into your tiny little hands, I discovered the purpose of life. I met the person living deep inside me who desired to be loved but hid the wish. Everytime I sang a lullaby, I understood that we can be loved without hearing back those three little words. Seeing you asleep in my arms made me cry and laugh. I slowly realized how important it is to look beyond the superficial thoughts. I mightn’t be your first home, but you have taught me it’s all right not to be able to carry a child in womb for nine months. You made me strong by happily taking showers from me. You made me confident by letting me change your diapers. You made me a different person by sleeping in my arms at two in the morning.#athousandyearsoflearning


The psychologist gave me a pen. “Jot down all your pain on the paper.”
I sat there for 30 minutes, pondering what to write. No. Pondering over how to write. After fifteen minutes I looked up and gave a helpless stare. I wanted to cry. I couldn’t. I wanted to scream. I wasn’t able to.
The man- who was supposed to set my mind right- asked,
“What are you fighting with? You were looking at paper as it’s the one who broke your heart. You were holding pen as it’s a sword and you want to attack the enemy. Write all you are going through on the paper!”
I thought for long. And replied, I am a writer. I have written my pain a thousand times. I have numerous journals with words singing the same melancholic song. But you know doctor, this pain is not a cage or cell. It’s a lock. It has locked the real me inside. I want to write. I can write. But shall I write the name which has broken my heart artfully? Isn’t it going to prick my fingers? How can I write on this piece of paper, ‘I miss the one I hate the most?’
This world will call me mad. And soon I would be shifted to bedlam. But you know what? He still won’t come to see me.
I laughed hysterically. Tore the paper. And danced and cried. Screamed and smiled. Some hands approached me. They dragged me. Here I am- in bedlam. Is he coming? I cry and laugh again.


Eid Mubarak!
I am not going to be narcissist here, but you know what’s the one thing I love about myself? “Since childhood I always look forward to celebrate Eid!” Yes I get up early, dress up and feast! Isn’t that what our Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H) asked us to do so?
It hurts when I ask people what are they up to on Eid and they reply, “ah not at all excited!” or “Nothing! Would just sleeeeeep!”
I understand that we all get quite sleepless during ramadan and especially if you have a work in the morning too. Sleep. But why not in afternoon? Why not dress up and make your evening special.
People say they have no place to go. No problem. Stay home and enjoy the food, new clothes and the company of your loved ones. Then they say they have no one to sit with. Okay! Cook your self something delicious! Watch TV. Call a friend. Admire your outfit. No money for the clothes? Wear the best you have in your wardrobe. But don’t say you aren’t interested in this day!
You might think I am advising without being into such situations. No my dear. I have been in each of them which I jotted above. Yes and that is how I acted.
I never got an opportunity to go to mosque in my hometown. But I would wait for my dad and brothers to come home after Eid prayer. Now for last five years, I dress up and offer prayers. I come out and wish my soulmate a happy Eid. Because how can I miss the blessings which God sends on me through His angels. Just remember while you are wasting your day wearing pyjamas and sleeping on Eid, someone somewhere might be wishing to have the chance of celebrating this day in peace. Don’t deny the favours of your Lord. Cherish them before it’s too late.
Dress up! Feast! And Merry! Wish you all a very happy Eid ❤

Photo Credit: Adnan Shahzad

How Does She Live?

www.humadnan.comI was traveling on the bus when I overheard a conversation of two ladies sitting just opposite to me. That’s the problem of public transport. I thought as soon as I heard one of them saying,

“I don’t understand why her mother doesn’t find her a suitable groom. She is 29, almost 30.”

I tried to concentrate on The Time Keeper, which I issued from the library three weeks before and couldn’t complete it due to my packed schedule. I was hoping to finish it today. Not again.. I kept on regretting, but couldn’t close my ears.

I slightly moved my eyes away from the book and pretended to look out. I gave them a quick glance and to my surprise both of them weren’t traditional old ladies. They were in western clothes and seemed to be in early thirties. So gossiping isn’t confined to age- that was my first lesson of the day.

The conversation grew more dramatic when the second lady responded,

“I have heard she has a boyfriend. I have often seen her leaving a house with i-seek-attention-makeup all over her face.”

This gave me a slight jerk, I looked up and saw her powdered with colorful cosmetic, which could give illusion of a fondant cake to any viewer.

“Oh exactly!” Exclaimed the first lady with such a big grin as if she was able to convince the judge to give a verdict against that thirty-years-old-unmarried-girl.

“But isn’t that her parents’ responsibility to control such a daughter? Had I been a mother, I would have locked her inside the house till her marriage.”

“Seriously. My mother wouldn’t have ever let me go out alone. Such a shame to have a mother like her.”

“One day, they will regret giving their daughter so much freedom when she would stigmatize their name.”

“Forget it. Who cares. Why should we gossip?”

“True. Let’s pray this girl finds a husband.”

Though the conversation was over but they switched to some wedding ceremony. I got down on my stop and kept thinking all my way home. I kept wondering how much I had been the talk of gatherings when I decided to continue my studies right after my marriage rather bearing children. I would be questioned in every gathering. I was given long lectures by unknown grannies at wedding parties. I was questioned about my reproductive organ and its function. The questions never ended. I just got used to of them. I thought a childless lady is the only one who suffers from curiosity of the world unless I met a woman with two daughters.

“They ask me all the time when would I give a brother to my daughters. I am scared to get pregnant because the session of may-you-have-a-son-this-time blessings will start all over again.” When one of my friends told me this I was relieved and saddened. Relived, because I wasn’t the only one in the curious world; saddened, because why such wrong curiosity?

I know a lady who has done double masters and earns a good money. She drives her own car and lives an independent life. She asked me one day, “Pray I get marry soon. I am such a burden on my parents.”

BURDEN? AND YOU? You work! You earn more than me! I screamed!

“Yes dear.. But you see I am emotionally a burden on them.”

Now what’s that?

“They are questioned all the time about my marriage. People are spreading rumors about me.”

So let them spread! Let them talk! You will marry when it would be the right time. Take it easy!

“No it’s not easy!” She lost her cool. “You can’t understand. Because you are married. No, it isn’t easy. You will never understand since you got married in early twenties!”

I wanted to say Relax but then I decided to stay quite. She would have thrown a vase on my head on asking her to relax while she was worrying from curious world’s question.

I wanted to say that I can understand! As I answer these questions from time to time. I am a childless woman for almost 8 years and this has somehow made me escapist. I don’t have any social circle. I don’t attend parties. I don’t visit my relatives. I don’t… well list is long. But I don’t ask anyone to pray! Not because I don’t love kids. I adore them so much that during half of my free time I watch kids’ videos. (That’s another thing I end up thanking God for giving me such a long period of newly-wed life. Some mommies have uploaded THINK-BEFORE-HAVING-CHILDREN type videos, enough to give chills to any normal person) I don’t ask people to pray because this make them hear ‘Okay! Ask me question! Ask me lots of personal questions! I’m ready!’ and they never resist getting personal. I know you’d be thinking Not everyone asks such questions. Yes, not everyone asks questions but they do give you a hint that they are interested in fertility-conversation. For instance,

“You know, I always pray for you to be a mother soon.” And some are like,
“Yesterday I called my aunt. You know she got pregnant after ten years of her marriage. She got her treatment from Dr.XYZ. I thought I should tell you. Who knows some miracle happen.”
And I try to lull my heart to sleep who forces the tongue to yell and say, The only miracle I need is you to stop telling me this so called aunt’s story whose doctor might even be dead by now.

But we can’t do that, right? We need to be a sophisticated citizen. We are taught to behave gently. We have always been advised to be patient. But how long? Is there any end to curious world’s useless questions?

The other important problem with our society is that they constantly compare a working woman with homemaker. They have some specialized technology through which they can measure that working women don’t cook at come or they have zero talent of making even a salad. The other opinions they often have about working ladies,
“Oh you are so lucky! You can hangout anytime!”
And you scream: I GO OUT TO WORK NOT TO PARTY!!!! But you don’t. (Remember, you are a civilized, mature woman)
And sometimes even the sophisticated ones ask, “Who cooks and do the laundry for you?” and I grin and grin and grin! You see I can’t say, Darling! I have hired Aladdin’s genie for next 100 years. Do you need this service?

This might sound a useless article with no hope of bringing change. I don’t aim to change the curious world. Curious will be curious! They feed their curiosity to make them feel good. To make them feel their situation is somehow better than yours. They will keep asking you questions about your salary, the food you eat, your body, and many things which they shouldn’t be concerned about. They will ask you these questions to feed their insecurities. Some people enjoy seeing miseries. They love hearing stories of heartbreak, failed marriage, loneliness or poverty. Just watch out! Don’t feed Mr. Hyde. Remember, you aren’t the only one going through some problem. We all are in battlefield, and only ones who lose this battle are the ones who give attention to questions. People gossip because they have no other job. People hurt because they can’t love. People question because they don’t want their answers to be out. SO you see it’s they who should be worrying, not you.

Surround yourself with positive people! Encourage someone! Help somebody! Write a positive note in your diary! Slowly you would distant yourself from all the negative vibes. I might not have a big social circle, but I do have a few valuable people. Your closed ones might not motivate you, but at least they never make you run away through their meaningless words. At the end, it’s YOU who is always a cool breeze on a hot summer day!