Chaos! 

​Last night my friend called me 

And before I could have said hello

I heard her sniffing,

Like a rain pouring against

The glass pane.

Hey sarah! Are you okay?

I sounded calm like a sea,

Since this wasn’t the first time.

She cried.

Last week it was for a cat she found

Dead by the roadside

And week before that

It was the death of her favorite

character

From a series.

What is it, hun?

I asked while pouring the milk

And balancing the phone between

My ear and shoulder.

I am in chaos

In utter chaos.

So this time she couldn’t find the reason to cry

I thought to myself.

I cleared my throat and began

Why don’t you have some sleep.

I can’t!

She cut in before I could have showered some wise words.

I feel!

I feel nothing!

I feel unwanted!

I feel unloved!

I feel broken!

I feel like I exist but I do not!

I breathe but I suffocate!

I- I –

This time I cut in-

Hey! We all love you!

It’s just the product of your mind!

It’s 12 am

And you have a long day ahead!

Pray to-

Pray to??

She lost the temper

And threw words out

As after this eruption

Volcano will be dead!

I called Raj, he says

Pray to Krishna!

I talked to Jane

She says, pray to jesus!

I texted Hassan and

He answered

Pray to Allah.

Tena said I should

Believe in science

And let a psychiatrist do the work.

But who knows what I need??

Alright! I sighed!

Well sleep now and we will figure this out

Tomorrow!

she put the phone down

Promising that she would go to bed

And leave the mess out of her head.

Proud of myself

I decided to eat a cookie

And while munching it I

Smiled- what a great Friend I am!

New morning

New sunrise

I head to work

With mind so light!

I let my fingers

Dance on keyboard

Until I checked my phone

In afternoon,

“Hey you got the news?

Sarah is found dead

In her room!

I logged on my facebook

And wall filled with her photos

Posted by mutual friends

Who she hardly ever talked to.

With the caption RIP

And I felt my blood gushing through my ears and

Bursting my heart

I wanted to scream

You say

REST IN PEACE!

But what difference does it make now?

We all need some attention

And on virtual world

The death news of neighbor’s dog

Can get you more likes than you get on

A photo you click with your boyfriend

Or the chocolate cake you had

Last Sunday.

While they get hearts

And thumbs

And sorrowful smilies.

I sit back quietly

Because

I somewhere know,

I ripped her!

But I ask myself

What Sarah actually needed

that religion and science

Couldn’t give?

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Nomads in Circle

In his soul

I poured mine.

Heart rode on the waves

Untamed and wild.

And charade became

Impossible to hide.

I confessed love

And he was silent.

I started to walk,

He held my hand

And repeated my words

With addition of ‘too.’

I believed it.

My particles,

Atoms,

Neurons,

All became his.

Without my consent

My each cell, tissue and,

Organ was falling in love.

I was me,

But I wasn’t.

He was mine,

Yet he wasn’t.

In return for my love,

I was given

Friendship,

Fondness

And care,

But love.

He had loved

And he had lost the spark.

No matter how high the flames

Of my heart were,

He couldn’t love me back.

He couldn’t call me home.

Today,

We both are nomads.

I, in search of him.

He, in search of her.

Two Defeated Soldiers 

Lost in the forest,

drowning in the river.

I was a soul who never

had found its purpose.

I took my corpse and put it in the coffin

Once the last nail was put

I set the fire to burn

some lost dreams and incomplete love.

The sun shone,

and among the roots and herbs

I heard the footsteps

of a rider approaching.

Tired to the bones.

Scars worn as a crown.

Lost in the battlefield

he left the city which echoed with

humans. Happy and sad humans.

Evil and good humans.

In all such kinds,

he too couldn’t find

one for himself.

I looked at him and asked,

what made you leave the crowd?

Heartbreak?

He didn’t smile.

He put the fire to cold

before my skin could have melted

and bones would have turned into ashes.

What was he saving?

His soul or mine?

I held the trunk of an old tree

too uncertain to walk away

or look into eyes of this stranger.

A stranger who was as weak as me.

Before I could have said something

He cast the spell and next moment

I was in love.

We drenched in the rain

Without saying a word.

We set the horse free

Just like our souls.

In the woods our names shall echo

hearts must stay entwined.

Scarlet Heart

And I dreamt-

or I started to dream.

When you held me-

Or that was just my belief.

Well I dreamt to walk with you

In forgetfulness

On the seashore somewhere

In jangling crowd.

But the only sound that would

Hurl us will be of yours and mine

Whispers.

To be warmly saved in your arms,

To see the horizon kissing the sun.

To see the waves embracing shore

Will bring the scarlet hope

On my pale heart.

I dreamt, to see the light

Of the tired city.

Half asleep and half worrying

about insomnia.

I dreamt to touch

The old Budha’s sculpture

With your hands.

And to sit under Bodhi’s tree

Which belongs to Ashoka.

I wished (though it was a secret before

I wrote this poem)

To move my fingers on your face

With unseeing eyes.

To feel your deep-dark eyes,

Your unrest face

And screaming-barren lips.

With my touch I’d take away

The tumult of your heart

And there set you at peace.

I dreamt-

Oh I dreamt to take you on a boat

And hear the splash of water.

While the journey paves its way

I fill my black soul with

Warmth of yours.

Before this could have happened,

God’s angel woke up.

One whose cloak is red

And eyes are burning chambers.

The sky turned grey

And June became January.

It rained and rained

Until I couldn’t see you anymore.

Now leans above me is this sky.

Beyond that God sits and stares.

I ask about you and He stays silent.

I ask about me and He laughs.

If it’s a dream then wake me up.

But whom shall I ask this favor from?

-Huma Adnan

I wonder where my life is going..


There was a time when I would read all night and would get up fresh. I would move around happily in my pjs and eat ice-cream at 3:00am. I was always laughing. I laughed so hard that I’d fall on floor and people would stare at me. My eyes were bright and soul was wild. I would dance in rain and post the photos of my favorite mug on Instagram. I’d brag about important people of my life through WhatsApp and Facebook dps. I would plan movies with my friends. I didn’t care about anything else. Life was simple. My photos were lively. My life had no problems. I knew I was loved and that was all I needed. But today I long for unknown lands. I desire to run away. I’m all ready to jump into the sea. My eyes are always in search of something. I get up with tired body and drained soul. I look back and wonder how my life has become a desert which once was a garden.

@athousandyearsoflearning